Stop... in the Name of Love

I went to a Goodwill store today (for the record today's date is 12/20/07). This brought back memories when we didn't have very much. I recall going to the second hand stores and looking for shoes. Shoes that were marked with chalk. Chalk was a way for the store to check for shoes (or maybe other items) that were being snuck out without paying for these. I remember one of my aunts telling me to make sure I rubbed the bottoms of the shoe on the store carpet in order to get the markings off. The shoes that we walked in with were left on the racks, this was before surveillance cameras came into being (obviously). I guess this worked because we had used shoes (which to us were new and were without holes) to wear to school. Anyway, as I looked around the store today it brought back many memories. One memory brought back a flood of other memories.

Memories are something I have kept. I have kept these in my mind and some vivid ones close to my heart. At the goodwill store I spotted a violin that was for sale. This brought back memories of a girl I knew in school. Janet Zaelke was her name I remember her back in Jr. High we were both in the 7th grade. We had nothing in common but we found the time to choose the same reading groups, the same art classes, and she was my English tutor for a while. We would sit outside the classroom during certain periods and she would go over our reading assignments. I don't think she was very pretty at first but she was quite smart. Up to this point she was the smartest person I had known. Up until the 7th grade the smartest people in the world, in my perception, were priest and teachers. I think she was my first love.

I ended up measuring all other relations to my relationship with Janet Zaelke. I remember going to school just for the sake of seeing her. We lived in different neighborhoods on different sides of the railroad tracks. I lived in Watts, which at the time was an almost exclusive black neighborhood, and she lived in South Gate which at the time was a very exclusive white neighborhood. At a time when Spanish was forbidden to speak in school, and which was the only language I spoke, our relationship was looked upon with disgust by many. She was very well off while my family had to put the children to work to make ends meet, she was white I wasn't which, again at the time, these relationships were not looked on with approval. Well to say the least we should not have been together at all.

I looked forward to Jr. High for a couple of years. I would look for Janet as soon as I got off the bus on my way to school. I would look past friends and teachers until I spotted her. Once my eyes felt upon her my heart would fill with happiness, my eyes could see nothing or no-one else, my soul, I believed, would sing. I saw my angel, my friend, my teacher, my beloved. I was so young, so naive, so in love. As noted before, I would judge all other relationships to this one. I knew her for a couple of years and one day she told me her family was moving to Chicago since her dad got a new job. My heart sunk, my eyes watered, my soul seemed to boil over, I was depressed for quite a while. My heart was broken for the first of many times.

Janet introduced me to the American culture. She introduced me to reading for fun, writing, thinking about the unthinkable, using my imagination, and most importantly she introduced me to music. She played the violin, she wrote and read music, she was a gymnast, she showed me how to respect others and be respectful. Her music moved me, my heart sang and my soul danced. She sang and it was oh such a beautiful sound. She sang and sang most importantly she sang for me. When she sang for me I felt my heart swell with joy. I would look into her eyes and I could see her soul, her big, delightful, beautiful soul. Her music filled my heart and soul.

As I grew older I noticed that I admired and fell in love with girls/women that were strong, independent, free thinking, and smart. Intelligence was more of an aphrodisiac for me than what attracted my friends to females. I think that that has followed me up to now. I admire strong, independent, and intelligent females. I think I notice that before I notice physical beauty. I admire independence and free spirited females. I fall in love or wish to keep these kind of people in my life. My closest friends, male or female, are strong, intelligent, and talented people. I also think of people who bring out the best in me, who are there everyday to support me, who are there through good times and bad, and who pick up my spirits when others bring it down.

What a day. As I write this right now I think about Janet, Cheryl, Mariana, Alice, Betty, Katie, Antoinette, and of course my family, all who I see as strong individuals. Thank you for your support, for your patience with me, and for your love.